ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
