If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
