The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Randomize
