Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
