I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
