the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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