I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
