she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize