I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
