i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
