Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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