ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
