just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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