He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will be naked everywhere
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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