the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
