I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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