I saw his package. It spoke to me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
