I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
