Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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