my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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