Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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