Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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