we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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