Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
