When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
