My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
