i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
