Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
