Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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