I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
