I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
