....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Girls should come with a carfax report
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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