The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
