he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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