I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
