My sheets look like a crime scene.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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