somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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