I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
