dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
