you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
