i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
