My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
