She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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