just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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