can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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