i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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