youre lurking in front of me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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