The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
