Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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