If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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