Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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