I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
