My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
