Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
