a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
