call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
