Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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