We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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