who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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