Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
