So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
