im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
